Starzlife: the paparazzi gang that couldn't shoot straight

Basic 101 of photography: If your picture is blurry, you have failed as a snapper. With expensive camera equipment used by the paps, there are all kinds of safe-guards to keep the photos from coming out blurry. Will someone tell the losers over at Starzlife that? One is called "Auto Focus" and it's a button on the side of the long lens. No matter, the Starzlosers photographers (if you can even call them photographers) continue to shamelessly put out blurry pictures of celebs.

Sorry if you need glasses to view the above screengrabs! 

What a shocker: Bachelorette DeAnna dumps Jesse

Now the only question is, who will continue to do $et-ups with Pacific Coast News? 

The myth of the Ivy

Photographers know that anyone desperate for attention pays a lunchtime trip to the Ivy restaurant. The paparazzi line up outside the white picket fence for hours trying to snap a picture of someone leaving. 

But here's the catch...when was the last time you saw a photo of someone leaving the Ivy in the magazines? 

Unless the rag is doing a round-up on celebs at the Ivy, the answer is September 10, 2003, when JLo and Ben Affleck dined together after canceling their wedding. JLo left in a bright green dress -- and tears in her eyes. Ah, there was a story behind that photo op. 

Other than that, I say the paps are wasting their time hanging out at the Ivy, the question is, when will they figure that out? 

This is the photo that four paps wasted their afternoon on...

Do you think this photo will EVER make it into a magazine? I think not!

Forced to go back to the well

When it's slow photo-wise, paparazzi return to the tried and true. They know where a star lives, and when they take their morning jog, pick up their children, take a yoga class, you name it. The photos are boring, and like a dozen you've seen before, but they can't help themselves. It's slow, and they need to come up with something. Oh yeah, Minnie Driver pushing a stroller near her Hollywood Hills home...yawn

Spying on the paparazzi

They stake out the Beverly Glen shopping center with three or four paps, they wait, they wait, for....Hayley Ray! That's right, all of the losers shown spent all afternoon today waiting for Dr [90210] Ray's wife to leave a boutique. One fatso got so bored he brushed his teeth in the parking lot! And forget how the paps make fun of Kirstie Alley or Oprah, check out his HUGE behind!!

When photo agencies LIE about where a photo was taken

If a photo agency gets an exclusive photo of a celebrity, they may lie about where it was actually taken, in order to protect it from other agencies hot on the trail of the star.

Such is the case with this INF photo of Halle Berry with an afro.

First they said she was in Vancouver, then Toronto, Canada. Big difference! Poor schlepps at People.com didn't know which one to put, so they have both locations on their site.

Heidi Montag isn't as chipper when she's not doing a set up...

When she's not in on the take, like when Pacific Coast News shoots her, Heidi Montag is downright uncooperative and grumpy. 

Check out the not-so-perky Heidi when she's caught leaving Trashy Lingerie by a competing photo agency. Where's that fake smile? 

Why these two douchebag Flynet photogs should be fired

While these two douchebag Flynet paparazzi were joking around, laughing at the celeb-infested Country Mart in Malibu, they missed the following celebrities: 

Liv Tyler, Helen Hunt, Chloe Lattanzi (the anorexic daughter of Olivia Newton John), Ted McGinley and basketball legend Pat Rielly. Hang it up guys! Someone scooped the sh*t out of you! 

Don't you love when the paparazzi snap each other? 

Gwen Stefani makes two agencies lose a lot of $$

On the heels of two photo agencies getting pix of little Zuma, Gwen just deflated the value of the pics by releasing official pics of her own. 

The magazines don't "close" until late Monday and early Tuesday, so she's effectively ruined the money these guys could pull in. 

I don't think I need to tell you which is the official pic, and which was the paparazzi one, right? 

Ah, when she wants to escape the paps, she can!

Britney Spears went shopping in Santa Barbara California today, with her assistant and a bodyguard -- and not a single photographer in sight. Hence, I have no photo to put up for you! Shows that the 26-year old pop tart can leave her house without being followed and get privacy when she wants it. Mission Not-Impossible!

Britney Spears needs the paparazzi

If you hadn't noticed, Britney Spears is not featured in any of the magazines this week. Why? She's not flashing her privates, shaving her head, or dating a paparazzi; in other words, she's back to "normal." 

So what's a fading pop star to do [who has an album coming out on Dec. 2]? Why, head to the pap-infested "Mr Bones" pumpkin patch in West Hollywood with her boys for an "impromptu" photo-op of course! 

Fingers crossed --hope she gets in the mags next week!

Shamelessly set-up photo

Think that McCain/Palin supporters Spencer and Heidi staged this photo? Wonder how much they made from it and if they will donate the money to the GOP?

Once the paps figure out where your kid goes to school...

All bets are off. They will take pictures of your wife [in this case Jennifer Garner] dropping the tot off, and you [Ben Affleck] picking her up. 

Every day photo desks at the magazines are flooded with this "easy prey" type photo. They know the kid goes to x school, at x time, so they wait, lots of them. 

Doesn't Ben look thrilled? 

Blame Paris

Paris Hilton was the first celebrity who really courted the paparazzi in order to expand her fame and wealth. The first celeb to actually pose and give the photographers what they wanted. She drove around town in a Bentley convertible, music blaring, with an entourage of eager paps following behind. All the celebrities who act like they don't want to be photographed (but really do) can blame Paris for the proliferation of the pap industry. 

How other paps look at the blogs

Paparazzi search competitors' blogs to find new clues about how to locate celebs. A simple picture of John Mayer pumping gas might reveal a car that he has, that was previously unknown. It may reveal a license plate, or the fact that the celeb is leaving the airport for a vacation in Maui. That why they surf the web, it's not to see amusing or pretty pictures of celebrities. 

How to spot a phony photo-op

Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas and the loser "pro-snowboarder" she chose as her fiance (Jesse Czincsak) have been doing staged shots with Pacific Coast News for almost a year now. They're running out of ideas though, and the couple lack that certain star quality to pull it off with campy aplomb. When you see things like washing the car at a public wash with only a bikini on, or holding up watermelons chest high at the local grocery store, you know it's photo-op desperation. When Brandon Davis did photo ops for money with then girlfriend Mischa Barton, the last set they did was kissing at the Trevi fountain in Rome, that, and playing croquet in Hawaii. 

Paparazzi line up to stalk Rebecca Romijn

She's got a risky pregnancy already, being over 35, and carrying twins, but these photographers wait on the busy highway outside her house, ready to give chase. Flynet is the black Ford Escape. 

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden tip off X-17 photographer

Wonder how X-17 Agency paps conveniently show up to snap "intimate" moments between Nicole Richie and Joel Madden and even their daughter Harlow? Wonder no more! A female stylist at the Allen Edwards Salon in Woodland Hills, Ca., tells pals that her boyfriend, an X-17 photographer, gets calls from Nicole Richie herself, letting him know where she will be on any given day. "She wants the photos out there of her to look good," says the stylist.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt collect on paparazzi pics

Not all pseudo-celebrities hate the paparazzi! Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt do staged set ups with Pacific Coast News agency, and their favorite photographer "Matt," in order to get a piece of the $$$. Who can blame them? 

Other stars who engage in set ups and the agencies they work with to come....

Maybe Christie is the problem?

Forget her first TWO marriages, what's up with numbers three and four? 

After a whirlwind romance with Coloarado real estate mogul Rick Taubman, Brinkley quickly divorced him while pregnant with their son Jack. Her reason? She later called him "the Devil," and cut him off from his son's life completely. Husband number four, architect Peter Cook, adopted Jack and Christie couldn't shower enough praise on him to the media. Seems he was a creep as well, but what's up with her choice in men? Does she need to be a serial dater? Does she need to be with a man to feel like a success? Seems a trip to the shrink might be a better use of her time. 

Flynet Pictures stalking Rebecca Romijn

Do you think three Hispanic men and one woman sitting in their cars in Rebecca Romijn's driveway all day and then chasing her to her appointments is good for a woman pregnant with twins? 

When you buy a magazine, you don't realize the harassment that nice stars like Rebecca endure. 

We saw three cars giving chase to Rebecca on October 15, passing cars, flying over speed bumps to catch up with the Ugly Betty star who is due in January 2009. 

Flynet puts people IN her driveway every day, stalking her. Hopefully the police will step in, or Jerry O'Connell will finally put an end to this dangerous situation.